can't tell the woman from the man

Certain quite close things are very different. This applies to everything so beware of all those false friends in linguistics and life.

• better having to do nothing rather than having nothing to do.
• better being alone rather than being lonely.
• better to care about nothing rather than having nothing to care about.

I can't really give a good piece of advice. Just good intentions and data. I'm confident in your judgement.
Everything's really messed up.